How to overcome the 3 Single Mother Challenges: Financial Stability, Emotional Balance, and Life Balance

Being a single mother is no easy task, even being a mother alone is an extraordinary responsibility, nonetheless, thousands of women become mothers and have the responsibility of caring for their children.

Some, like me, have it even harder by doing this job all alone, with no family or friends assistance. But how? If you are just starting this journey you may be asking yourself the same question I did when my daughter was only 1 year old.

How to overcome the challenges of being a single mom and have a successful life? Honestly, when Talina was 1 year old, I did not know how I was going to do it, I felt overwhelmed knowing she depended on me and I wasn’t in a state of mind to care for her financially emotionally and physically.

Yet, here we are 5 years later, almost 6 and now feeling much more accomplished and satisfied with my duty as a mom.

I want to share with you some of the challenges and how I was able to overcome them.

Challenge 1: Financial Stability

Having enough money to pay for everything on my own has been the hardest responsibility of all. The main reason is that I live in a very expensive area, Loudoun County, the most expensive county in the entire country. Nonetheless, I’ve managed to stay afloat and cover my expenses. But it has been no easy task, as covering rent, utilities, food costs and her extracurricular activities add up.

When she was smaller, it was even harder as I had to cover daycare costs, which could easily replace the rent price. It was so expensive and hard to do, yet you may be wondering, how did I do it?

I’ll give you some of the tips that helped me become a successful mom and entrepreneur.

Set your priorities Straight

The first thing that was important to me was to figure out my priorities.

When you are a single parent, everything is important, working enough hours to make enough money, giving up yourself for the sake of your child, compromising your life or your needs to cover for others, whether is friends, co-workers, clients, or anyone who takes away your time.

I had to understand that to function properly I needed to know what was always my main priority, without deviating ever, and of course, that was my daughter.

I needed to adjust my mentality to mom instead of just me and have the understanding that no matter what came my way i had to always put my daughter and her needs first.

I created a list for myself to review consistently where I specify the order of priorities in my life. As mentioned before, my daughter comes first, but I come right after, as my well-being is extremely important too. Then comes work and money and lastly friends and family. This helps me know how to structure my schedule and my life as I will explain further later,

Find a Job that Aligns with your priorities

Having the priorities straight for yourself will now help you have it for everyone else. I had jobs that were so demanding and wanted to take over my entire time, but quickly I had to set straight the requirements for me to stay in that position. If my priorities didn’t align with my boss, I would leave the job or I wouldn’t even bother taking the position.

This was extremely important as I had to pick up my daughter from school, take her to her extracurricular activities, be involved in her school activities and more.

It is sad to say that many employers, do not care what is going on in your life, they only care about you showing up to do your work and commit to them and their business growth. Of course, it’s not all employers, as I’ve been lucky to find employers who are so caring and know that family always comes first. I’m glad to say I still work for them.

If you are in a situation where you need to make your employer understand your priorities, do not hesitate to share it and stay firm on your ground. You want to work with people who will have your back and when the hard times come, you can count on them.

Set my schedule around my daughter’s school

My daughter is currently 6, almost 7 so that means she is part of her day in school, which helps me a lot to plan my schedule. When she was smaller, I had to manoeuvre my time so much and it was much tiring, now that she is older, it’s gotten easier.

I schedule everything I have to do within her school hours, I know this is not easy for most parents as the majority work 8 hours per day and school is only 6 hours, but in my case, I can work an independent schedule, this gives me the flexibility to see clients, to make calls, to schedule meetings, to record, edit and post when she is in school.

Doing this has created a good structure for my week.

Find a job that pays you more than enough to cover your expenses

Along with what was mentioned before, finding a job that pays you well is a must in your priorities. Your child depends on you, so you cannot afford not to work hard and more so get paid enough to cover home expenses and utilities at basic.

In my case, I did make enough money while being the administrator of a dental office. Nonetheless, that was not my passion and the job was highly demanding. I had no choice but to quit and look for something else that gave me more flexibility and money.

As single parents, we have to make those tough decisions on our own, as no one else has the responsibility that we do.

Challenge 2: Emotional Balance

Having the complete responsibility of another human being is emotional baggage enough to drive anyone nuts, not to mention the emotional needs of your child. One of my biggest challenges is to keep my emotional balance in check at all times.

Only someone who goes through this understands how tiring and overwhelming it is most of the time, between breaking your head to pay the bills, keeping your boss happy, not exploding on the tantrums of your child and being physically tired to be stretched in all directions.

Along with that, the hardest thing is not transmitting that emotional baggage to your kid and making them feel all the negative energy you are feeling. So how can you keep your emotions in check, to safeguard your kid’s emotional being?

Give yourself ME time every day

As crazy as it sounds, the key to being able to balance a hectic schedule and a demanding child is to allocate time to take care of yourself every single day.

Some of the things that are a must for me are, exercising, meditating, journaling, reading, things that make me happy and fulfilled. I know that if I’m happy and balanced, I can handle the tantrums and manage the situation.

By no means, I am saying is easy, it is absolutely hard, even at times, the only me time I get is to pop in the bathroom and take a 15-minute shower at most, but it is a necessity. If that is all I could get for myself, I take it. Trust me when I say I can see the difference when I do not take care of myself versus when I do.

My routine usually starts when she goes to sleep, that is the moment when the house gets quiet and peaceful and I can connect with my thoughts and emotions to better my inner self. Quite frankly, is one of my favourite times of the day.

I strongly believe that having the ability to connect within you for your sake is an art, it is something that doesn’t just happen automatically, it requires effort and I know you can be doing 10 other things instead of taking time to sit with your thoughts, but believe me, you need this time to recharge your emotional battery.

Living by time blocks

One of the things I implemented a few years ago was time blocking my schedule every day to know what my priorities are for the day. This has helped me tremendously not only to accomplish my personal goals but to also provide quality time for my daughter.

Since I have allocated specific time for us to spend time together, I make sure I have little to no disruptions. My job can be random as people usually contact me when they need me, but I’ve made it a habit to not answer the phone when I am in my quality time block with my kid or if I am getting her ready for bed.

This has helped me be disciplined with my time and organize my priorities as they are scheduled.

Quality time

As shared previously, I have allocated time to spend with my daughter, this is considered to be quality time, in which you devote all your attention and energy to one thing, in this case, my 6-year-old. This time I use it to connect with her, to ask her questions, to be raw emotionally available to her.

This is my moment to listen as well, as I know in her short period, she also goes through things and I make it a habit to be available to listen.

We don’t always just talk, during this time I look for ways to connect with her, like going for a swim, walking a trail, bike riding, going for lunch, something we do often, and much more. The point is to make it fun, welcoming and supportive. She needs to feel like mommy is there to do anything for her.

Provide emotional support on their rough days

We are all humans and our kids are no exception, even if they are little. They also go through their roller coaster of emotions, and they also know depending on age, the fact that you are a single parent and that the other side is missing.

I know this for a fact, as I was also raised by a single mom and I often carried conflicting feelings for my dad’s absence. The one thing I learned from her is to be patient and understanding. That is why all these steps are connected, you have to be in a healthy mindset to help your child.

They too go through things in school, bullying, arguments with other kids, not understanding school, and who knows what else, not accounting for the dad’s absence can be overwhelming, this is why you have to be in your optimal emotional shape.

To be a support for your child when need it.

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Challenge 3: Balancing Life Overall

Now another challenge is losing yourself as a person because you’ve submerged yourself in the role of a mom. I saw it closely, as my mom was the best example of this. She got so involved in being there for us and providing in all aspects, that she completely neglected herself to the point of losing her identity as a self, and not as a mom anymore.

That is exactly why you need to have a balanced life! YOU need to remember you are you first, and you have goals, dreams, desires and aspirations. You owe it to yourself to look after you and make those dreams come true, even with your child next to you.

Some parents go overboard and get so wrapped around their kids’ lives, sports events, competitions, and other stuff that they completely forget to take care of themselves, their bodies, and their souls.

The key is balance! It is a simple word but a hard one to accomplish. Nonetheless, it is reachable.

Remember you

I make it a habit to always remember, who I was before I had my daughter, I re-read my journals, look at pictures, and do activities that remind me of the old Carolina who didn’t have a child.

Do a list of things you used to love to do when you stopped caring for your kid. Once you have it, make it a mission to go one by one and at least once a week choose one to do.

Don’t forget your kids one day will fly, it is life law and instead of hyper-focusing on them, do it on yourself.

That doesn’t mean neglecting them, but remember you!

I also want her to get connected with other people so she needs less from me when it comes to socializing. One of the things I do is to connect with other kids, in her school and talk to the parents so our kids can play or interact. That doesn’t take away the fact that they need you to check in with them and their emotions, but it sure helps to have a little friend burn them out and exhaust all their energy,

Try hanging out with the kids from school once in a while, they can also build friendships.

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